I like to think it a success when the cops are called
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
