the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
