I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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