Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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