So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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