So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
