WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We had sex on a dog bed..
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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