Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
