Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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