PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
