I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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