new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
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could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
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so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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