i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
