My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
