we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
