no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
