I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
