I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
