so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
