You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
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ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
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I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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