She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
