Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
