There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
