Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
