I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
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it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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