My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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