Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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