hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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