bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
