hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Randomize
