Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
