So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
