Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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