at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
