So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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