so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
