And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
