cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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