The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
