yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
