So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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