Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
