He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
NoShamevember. You game?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
