Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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