Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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