I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
