I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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