You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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