I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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