He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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