I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
