btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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