i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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