I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
