He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
