awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
