A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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