god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
