My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
