Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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