I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
