You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
