remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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