In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
