I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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