There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
