just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
