i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Randomize
