No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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