so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I came so hard my ears popped.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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