so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Randomize
