I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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