Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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