Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
