careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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